maybe the goat is right.

Sorry, I've been MIA recently. Life has nuts-oo. I've been babysitting a ton and also working at the seminary during the day to help them get ready for the academy. Can I just say how excited I am for the academy? But anyways, my sister came in this weekend so we could pick out her wedding gown. Yes, it is absolutely stunning, gorgeous, breath-taking, I want her to get married next weekend, kind of amazing. It is making this whole planning a wedding experience seem so real. We also officially decided on the bridesmaid dresses and I am super excited. The whole wedding is taking this whole vintage-y theme and I love it. It is SO Robyn and Joe.

Anyways, the joke around their wedding is the fact that I am not going to get married, ever. I usually say it when I see the price of everything. My parents say it when they ask me once a day about my dating status.(They really do...) And last night, we were all jokingly reading our horoscopes. Our sign ones were pretty lame so we ventured to our year ones. For example, my birth year is the year of the goat..which is pretty funny if you know me well enough..hah. Anyways, my year horoscope said something along the lines of when it comes to relationships I need to put my guard down and that I am having trouble letting people come into my life. 

Uh...WHAT?! I actually realized what it said after I read it out loud and my mom made some comment about how true it was and I need to let all of the fences down that I have built up down. (She also did some funny arm motions with it while she described fences...I really do love my momma, I promise.)

I know how true it is. I lay in bed thinking about it almost every night. I am so stuck in the past that I cannot get the what if's outta my head. I also put fences up when I've been hurt and it takes a gazillion years for me to get over them. Right now, when anyone of the male race attempts to smirk, smile, flirt or wink(kidding) at me(whether they are serious or not), I pretend I didn't see it...except when it is an older man, then I really do ignore it on purpose. I have noticed that men in their 30's make googly eyes towards me. I have no idea why, it kinda freaks me out and now I try to avoid the Giant by myself...hah. 

My friend Tyler actually called me out on it one time. He told me when he watches people "flirt" (I hate that word by the way), I am either rude back to them or I ignore it. It was one of those much needed slap in the faces. 

I am also a point in my life where I am okay with where I am at. I am so comfortable. I am focusing on my education, my friends and myself. And, I have been so successful in doing so. Why would I want to change that? Just because I am not ready for one now, doesn't mean I don't desire one. Ideally, I need to figure a few more things out and make them stable enough for a relationship. However, I also need to knock a few fences down in the mean time. Because apparently, love comes at unexpected times...quote whatever movie you would like and enter gag noises now.

Next July, my sister will look absolutely gorgeous walking down the aisle. She will marry a man I am so excited to call my brother in-law. And some day, I will too be doing the same. In the mean time, I should probably start listening to the goat.