My senior year of high school I was starting to get sick...like really really sick. Let's start from here. Ever since I was three years old, I did some sort of dance. By my senior year of high school, I was pretty active in my studio. I took classes on Monday and Wednesday and taught on Thursday nights.
(We were also crazy.)
The whole week before this show in October(picture above) I was getting extremely sick and my stomach would bloat out to the size of an pregnant women. It was ridiculous. To make a long story short, I had pulled an umbilical hernia that was strangulated(I also danced in that show with it...woops!). I went to the surgeon on Monday afternoon and was in surgery Tuesday morning.
Fast forward to the day after Christmas. I was wheeled off to the hospital in an ambulance because I could barely breath. They blamed it on bronchitis and for the first time in my 17 years of an active lifestyle, I was diagnosed with asthma. Fast forward a few more months...I started burping. I know, gross. But I was literally burping all day every day regardless of how much/how little food I ate. I would even wake up in the middle of the night to burp. I was also experiencing a ton of other stomach issues, but I'll save you from them. Fast forward to May, and I looked like this.
Yes, I was skinny. If you look at the picture close enough, you can count my ribs and see my gutting hip bones. I was down about 10 pounds, which doesn't seem like much. But when you are 5'7" and weighing in at barely 120 pounds, something ain't right. At first, it was uncomfortable being that skinny. But then I realized how much attention I was getting. Our society portrays this top of body as being hot and attractive. I made some stupid decisions because of that and was flaunting my size-two butt around like I was hott stuff.
Almost two years later, I am almost back to being healthy. I see a doctor at Jefferson University Hospital in Philly. I had many issues going on with the two main ones being the fact that I had a severe bacterial infection in my smaller intestine which was spreading all over my digestive tract and barely allowing my body to digest food(with the bacteria getting into my system during the hernia surgery when they removed a part of my intestine that was dead). I was also mentally starting down the path of an eating disorder. I loved the attention I was getting and I loved the way my body looking and how clothes fit my body. I almost did not want to get healthy for the fear of getting fat. Sounds terrible doesn't it?
(Happy and Healthy!)
I blame part of how out of control the situation got on myself. However, I also blame the media. I am striving to maintain a healthy lifestyle daily while realizing that being a girl who is 5'7' and wanting to fit into a size two is somewhat unrealistic for me. Yes, it is entirely possible. If I worked out twice a day and monitored my caloric intake to the decimal I could probably do it. However, I am a college student. A busy college student who has more to worry about that how many grams of fat is in the delicious ice cream I just ate. The stress is not just not worth it, trust me.
What I learned-Being healthy is more important than being a size two. The number on the scales only mattered in my life when I was down to a low weight-that is how we knew something was wrong. To a healthy person, there are more things that matter than the scale.
What I am learning- Now, don't get me wrong. I am still super, super, super self-conscious. I am still a young woman. I look and judge my body constantly like everyone else. I ask people constantly for confirmation. I am working on that as I put on my bigger than size two clothes every morning. This quote has helped me and continues to every day.
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